Bringing attention to the impact others have on us, for better or worse.
How many people do you spend time around on a day to day basis that hinder your mission in life? Could you quantify it? Do you even spend any time around those which assist you on your path to greatness?
So many of us are oblivious to the effects the untold amount of people we come into contact with everyday – some willingly, some by default – have on us.
I want to present 3 assessment steps to gauge the quality of your family, friends, colleagues, associates, clients and even customers…..
Step 1 – The Accountability Factor
We’ve all fleetingly said, “I’m going to change careers; do what I always wanted”, while expecting nobody to really take stock. Imagine the shock then, when someone turns round and asks you three months down the line: “How come you’re still in the same job, how’s the career change going?”
I wasn’t expecting them to remember that!…….The wimp inside you protests. Most people won’t remember comments like that. Most are too absorbed in their own aspirations and desires to spare a passing thought for yours. It’s certainly quite rare when someone does.
How do you react?
Some people will brand you as a hater. Someone out to make others feel bad. They may even get argumentatively defensive. As memory is one of my strong suits, I am one of those folk who generally remembers people’s announcements and vows – especially if they mean something to me. So I am often the one to enquire as to the progress, or status, of their claim.
The reactions are a mixed bag. Generally you’ll see the discomfort and even attempts to evade you. If you’re lucky though, you’ll get someone who will compliment you on remembering their dreams and promises. And they will thank you for subtly calling them to action. Very rarely do we give as much to an endeavour as we could. When someone enquires about our progress, it often triggers the acknowledgement that we aren’t offering our full potential to the task – do we want it enough? Our actions may say no.
Love those who make you accountable. Accountability is getting blood in the game. It’s for this very fact, that coaching is such a popular concept today. It doesn’t just have to be in the form of personal training either, it can be business coaching, life coaching, dating coaching, sports coaching…….coaches hold you highly accountable and they cost you money. The combination of the two guarantees you won’t fail through lack of accountability.
Yearn for those who quiz you about your progress. Don’t push them away or you’ll push your chances of making it away with them.
Step 2 – The Quality Of Criticism
Criticism is either justified or unjustified. Some are so sensitive to criticism, they see practically any feedback they receive as a form of unjustified criticism. For whatever reason, I’ve always enjoyed criticism over praise. Maybe it’s my self-critical nature at play? Now this isn’t to say I longed to be called fat boy and told how I’d never amount to anything. That’s just plain hating.
Plain hating can be defined as anything lacking true substance. Taking factors that cannot be changed, such as race, hair colour, lack of hair – physical features determined by genetic factors, and attempt to make you feel as though you’re to blame and need punishing for them. That’s just spreading hate – which tends to hurt more when we’re younger, as we’re not objective enough to realise this is simply an attack and not worth our emotional energy.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have those who will never say anything but how good we are. Maybe they’re so in love with us at that time, they can’t see any flaws. Maybe that’s what love really is? Seeing the object of your affection’s self-perceived flaws as objects of beauty.
Very often though, the story isn’t as romantic. Usually they’re just too timid to tell you what they see and think. I’ve been the victim of this before. I try to be as aware as I can be of my shortcomings, but sometimes you need extra confirmation from those close to you. Receiving the confirmation just reinforces the need to act and create change. It really isn’t as negative as people assume.
A good analogy is when someone knows they’re gaining weight and their partner keeps telling them they’re perfect as they are, for fear of hurting them, and they end up gaining more weight than they would have had they been kicked into action. Now the damage takes far longer to clear and repair.
The best people
Those we really need to savour in our lives are those who will bring attention to our flaws, weaknesses or even areas where we’re not seeing the decline ourselves. But they don’t just do this with no other impact on your life; they acknowledge and celebrate your strengths with you. They’re not hesitant to compliment you when it’s deserved.
And most of all……..they not only expose you and confirm any weaknesses you may have, they install the required belief and confidence needed to tackle these blips like a lion tackles a gazelle.
Make no mistake, people like this don’t come around often so be sure to cherish them. One thing’s for certain though: You attract what you exhibit. Be like that yourself and you will find your counterparts.
Step 3 – Inspiration
The achievements of others can be an uncomfortable sight for the masses. They wonder why they can’t be in the same place as their old friend who now owns his own business. They wonder why they aren’t happily married like their sibling. They don’t like seeing this. They feel inferior. And what usually happens? They try to keep their distance from these people. Maybe the jealousy will subside or disappear?
I have a question for you guys though……..
Why on earth are you jealous at all?!
Why aren’t you admiring their victories? It’s thanks to them that you now know what’s possible. The presence of successful people should serve as a reminder that the playing field is fairly level; why can’t you replicate the achievements of others? Success leaves clues. Associate with those who’ve got what you want, have done what you’d like to do. Doing so will program your mindset to such that you’ll be so focused on what you need to do, you won’t have time to loiter around fixating on others’ achievements.
Get used to being inferior. Lose your ego. Never be the one who is top dog in his organisation and has been for years, who finally encounters a top dog in another organisation that turns out to be far superior. Often the shock is hard to recover from. Be OK with being beneath people, that alone will lift you up to great heights.
Avoid people who believe they’re incapable of greatness. Avoid the victims – those who are never to blame for the mishaps that occur. Get round people who try new things, who keep an open mind, who see the glass as half full, who know they can make a mark on this world within their time on this earth.
Find someone who has these three major qualities. Here’s the kicker though……..
……..these people won’t want to be around you unless you too, are like them. Become those you want to attract.